Relationships

Most Common Dating Mistake: “Too Much, Too Soon”

Many single people do not see fast paced dating as problematic.. They presume if something feels good or right, speeding it up will get you to your relationship goal faster. However, what often happens is the opposite.

Several problems often result with a “ too much, too soon” pattern of dating. A false sense of familiarity and compatibility can develop that may be based more on an urgency to find a partner than on authenticity. One can feel as if they have known someone for a long time if they see each other too often too soon. Just as sabotaging can be excessive texting and social media contact. Seeing each other and talking too much right away can either lead to spontaneous burnout of chemistry or premature commitment that cause feelings of entrapment. A true self unfolds over time. Rushing the process cannot replace the test of time.

The person offering too much of themselves soon after one or two dates can appear desperate or insecure. This scares people away. What healthy person wants to feel sorry for or worried about hurting or rejecting a person that they have just met? Not many people will stay interested in or attracted to a person exhibiting an urgency to attach. Although this level of attention is flattering, it can also cloud ones awareness of significant negative factors.

Healthy dating patterns will eventually lead to a committed relationship if that is ones goal. However, it is also important to see dating as an opportunity to learn more about who you are, what you want, what traits you like and don’t like in others, and what behaviors and attitudes you could improve in yourself. If you’re self esteem is strong and you are managing your life well, dating will be a fun, growth promoting social experience. If not, dating can be a dreaded, confusing experience. Learning to take it reasonably slow instead of going like a bullet train will increase the odds of having positive experiences leading to healthy attachments and commitments

More to come on the “too much too soon” style of dating…Sex too soon, sharing personal information too soon, excessive gift giving too soon, intruding into each other’s lives and problems too soon…

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